I’m going to hazard a guess that there’s a curiosity within you that’s secretly fascinated by the darkness that appears in both your psyche and your 3D reality. A part that (accurately), intuitively senses that you’ll be unable to complete the karmic cycles you incarnated for by bypassing the shadowy stuff, even though you might currently be playing in the spiritual realms of love and light and ego vilification, and burying your head in the proverbial sand.
What if all of your suffering, everything that you’re terrified of, all the parts of life that you find ugly and the things that make you feel deeply uncomfortable, are actually holographic projections of the parts of you that desire to be completely, deeply accepted, loved, embraced and integrated?
It takes courage to consider, and even more to admit, that those shadowy manifestations appearing in your reality are actually a reflection of the repressed parts of you, seeping out of the edges of your being. It rubs salt in the wound of our collective shame and our intense desires to be perceived as ‘good’ to consider that. I believe it’s actually a profound and sacred opportunity to become a fully integrated, whole, impactful human being.
Let me tell you a simple story from my own life to illustrate this. A couple of weeks ago, I noticed a huge, gnarly, jet-black spider living in my bathroom. She was ‘hiding’ in the shadows under the toilet and each time I went to gently place a glass over her to ‘get rid’ of her (and I deeply wanted rid of her), I’d disrupt her web and she’d scuttle back into the shadows, out of reach and out of sight. She wasn’t, however, out of mind. Each time I used the bathroom I’d imagine her crawling up my back, into my hair. I couldn’t relax. I desperately wanted her gone. For some reason, everything about her was repulsive to me. I’m actually not usually scared of spiders, but this time, I was terrified.
I can’t remember exactly where I read this story now (I’ve found that life will bring you whatever it is you need in all kinds of beautiful, synchronistic ways), but around that time I came across a tale about a woman on a retreat with a shaman in India. During a fire ritual designed to help release trapped energies, a large spider had scurried across her foot and she’d leapt up, terrified, swatting it away. The shaman scolded, ‘what are you doing?! You just shooed away God herself!’.
Have you ever had one of those moments where the veil lifts and the truth is all of a sudden illuminated with total and complete clarity? This was one of those moments for me. I saw how the bathroom spider was as much a part of the earth that I love as a butterfly or a flower is. I saw how crazy it was that I was able to have a deeply loving connection with the earth, but only in forms that were ‘palatable’ to me. I noticed my inner stories about which parts of me deserve to be seen, celebrated and shared and which parts were shameful, ugly and to be hidden away. My own inner versions of trees, rivers, flowers and sunshine vs my inner thunderstorms, wasps and spiders. I saw how this beautiful creature was 100% worthy and deserving of love, acceptance and nurture. And if I could find that truth in relation to her, I could also find it within myself.
She appeared at the perfect time and in the perfect way to illuminate the parts of myself that I’ve deemed unlovable, and show me that just like this spider is a child of the universe, as deserving as anything else, so my inner darkness is a part of me, and is fully deserving of my love and acceptance too.
I went up to the bathroom and sat on the floor so I could see her, and this time I didn’t see a scary, ugly thing, I saw a delicate and special creature. I spent some time with her, watching her go about the incredible process of weaving a web, seeing her precise movements as a perfect example of divine perfection in action. Then I spoke to her, telling her everything that the dark, shamed parts of me needed to hear too;
You are so welcome here.
All of you, is sacred.
You are beautiful.
I accept you.
I love you.
The next day, she was gone and I haven’t seen her again since. I don’t believe in coincidences, she’s ‘gone’ because she’s healed, integrated, loved, embraced and accepted. As Carl Jung famously said, ‘what you resist, persists’.
I used to operate on a level in which to heal I had to ‘do’ things. EFT, meditations, journalling, healing modalities, etc, and whilst I recognise the value in these systems and will recommend them to my clients when appropriate, I’ve found that a new, more ‘instant’ option to heal has become available to me.
All of those modalities work on a level of managing (controlling), and the transmutation of, thoughts, beliefs, habits and patterns – all helpful and relevant work that have held me through many challenging things. But more recently I’ve been working a level beneath that. A present tense, instantaneous shifting where I know what’s needed and have access to it in the present moment.
Imagine an ocean. The ocean is you, your entire level of being, your consciousness. Each wave is a thought, habit or belief you have. It washes upon the shore and crashes. Most modalities are designed to try to manage that wave. To control it. To change it. They make that wave wrong, bad, or in need of ‘fixing’.
Instead, what if you sink into the depths of the whole ocean. Those waves become kind of irrelevant. You can see them, witness them and even find beauty in them. You perceive them through the 3d reality in which they exist, like the spider. But you don’t become them or identify with them. When you forget you’re the ocean and believe you’re the wave, you make yourself so much smaller than you really are. You shrink and you suffer. You fall back into the 3d.
When you allow yourself to surrender those waves, when you allow them to be there, love them, accept them and witness them without becoming them, you free yourself from their smallness and their constant, exhausting motion and you step into the present and into the 5d.
This process isn’t fully ‘here’ yet for a lot of us. We’re still moving through it and learning what these ways look like and feel like. Many have a foot in each world. I’ll share more as it comes, but for now, tune into your own being. Notice where you have put your energy and call it back to you fully and completely. Notice where you are resisting and/or controlling. Notice where you can sink beneath the surface waves into the beautiful depths of the ocean.
Emma Rose is a spiritual teacher, coach and guide who helps awakening women to complete karmic cycles, fall wildly in love with themselves and do the work their soul came here to do so they can finally experience the full joy and freedom of being an aligned, purpose-driven and soul-connected human – from the inside, out.
Results may include; crystal clear clarity on your vision & purpose, opportunities and initiations to step deeper into the work you’re *really* here to do and falling head over heels in love with your messy-beautiful human self.
Find out more and apply to work together here.